- proneness, fragility, shortcoming, delicacy, chink in armor, powerlessness.

That’s the meaning of weakness all over the net, but however you conceptualize it, it all goes down to having not enough strength to battle your-strong-desire for something awesome. For me weakness is..

Well that’s just one of my weakness for I have countless, nevertheless the sound of their voice is like a hand caressing one’s skin (oh wait do i sound hmm…never mind), voices that can take to you places, voices that can make you smile on a day like this. I first encounter Ahmir by accident on youtube, when I was browsing for Miley Cyrus’ song It’s the climb (the only song of her that I like coz of the lyrics), Ahmir’s rendition of the song was superb!  nothing compares to the original one (opps anti-miley much??) I mean dun get me wrong, the blending of voices, the way they sing it, you can  truly relate, you can truly feel the message of the song.

maybe because I am no teenager anymore that’s why I prefer their version rather than the original, but hey that’s just me. Here’s the video take some time to listen to it carefully

Now do you believe me?!!! BOO YEAH! I told you I am getting lazy to continue this entry coz I so wanna listen to more Ahmir song, if you want to listen to more, dun be like me..go on youtube. This is the shortest entry ever! I’ll try to jot down another one later, gotta shake off this laziness PLUS it’s almost lunch time, me a full-time wife and mom now need to cook dinner for mi familia! ciao bella!

1ST: LABOR SUCKS

Oh yeah baby! I gave birth to a healthy, adorable baby girl last November 26. She’s so precious and just took my breath away when I first held her in my arms. I felt so complete, nothing in the world can compare to the feeling i felt that day..BUT before the awesome feeling comes the FREAGGIN LABOR  dang! I tell you (all my ladies out there) labor sucks big time! That dysmenorrhea that you’ve been feeling month after month? BLLLAAAAHH! piece of cake sista! Not even a speck of pain compare to labor pain!

There’s no one word that can describe it,  and yeah “sucks” is too mild for it too, i just used that coz hmm..it sucks! Going back..”labor” loved me so much that he (yes I like to use HE for it ‘coz it’s a pain in the arse) caress me for 13 hours which lead to C-Section, because we found out that my cervix can only expand up to 5cm max. My husband was not allowed to go with me in the labor room so you can just imagine the horror I’ve been through (and I am exaggerating here), no hubby by my side, IV’s, labor pain, not even allowed to drink water or eat anything..I will never forget that day.  Coz that was the day I experienced all the pain just to see my baby girl .

*Our little pumpkin is finally here, I love you anak*

2nd: SWEET TOOTH MUCH! 

My sister got the opportunity of the lifetime last month when she went to Florence,  Italy (academic purposes) and explore Paris as well. Now that’s not the point, the point is the waffle and chocolate that she gave me. See I have a toothy that can be very demanding..I am on recession right now, there’s only 4 left of the Ferrero that she gave me (and it’s not the ordinary Ferrero) and 1 left of the heavenly waffle from Netherlands. Wait! lemme share it to you and I hope you drool to death .

*ze box of stroopwafel*

*a stroopwafel a day keeps the evil mood away*

*results: NADA *

*my new ferrero lover*

*We (me and hubby) ate 2 today so we’re left with 4..sad*

*oh hello there little one..nomnomnom*

*poor photography skills..now that’s not drooling enough*

Now can you understand my frustration? I mean do I have to fly to Netherlands just to get my stroopwafel? and fly to where my sister bought that dark, luscious Ferrero?..NOT GONNA HAPPEN (true that!) ! Unless the immigration grant me a visa that is! I visited the stroopwafel official website last night and it sucks that it’ll cost me 35 EUROS to ship 10 wafel..YES JUST 10! My husband would kill me if I order something that expensive and will just munch on it for a day or two (cookie monster much ferry?). Poor me.

3rd: A different Christmas

This is the first Christmas that my dad is not with us, hurts like shit but the feeling was bitter-sweet. Although this is the first (of the many) Christmas that he was not with us, this was also my first Christmas with my baby. Do you think it was unfair for my family if i felt low-spirited that day because my dad was not with us? I wonder. My fingers are getting heavy again, maybe because I am still trying to escape reality.

I’ve been–for a few weeks now–clearing my mind whenever the thought of my dad pops out in my head. Do i sound evil? I dunno but I still cry whenever I remember him, whether its our good or bad time. More of I dunno if I am crying coz I am guilty or sorry, shame on me. Truth be told I miss him loads, no Christmas tree this year, no ham, no christmas carols every morning and flickering of christmas light by the stairs. You know that movie A.I. and the part where the boy gave the fairy the hair strands of her adoptive mom so that she can bring her back to life even for a day?..I would so love that to happen now. I would go through all your dirty laundry and look for a strand of your hair just to bring you back. I miss you papa

]]> http://ferrywinkle24.wordpress.com/2011/12/29/blog-ender/feed/ 0 ferrywinkle24 devil yupi sick heart_beat nanay and franz evil_grin stroopwafel IMG_0395 IMG_0396 cry IMG_0397 IMG_0398 IMG_0399 IMG_0400 signature http://ferrywinkle24.wordpress.com/2011/09/01/boo/ http://ferrywinkle24.wordpress.com/2011/09/01/boo/#comments Fri, 02 Sep 2011 06:15:04 +0000 ferrywinkle24 http://ferrywinkle24.wordpress.com/?p=636 ]]> oh yes people I am still alive and (someone’s) kicking! I haven’t been able to blog in a while because me is preggo. And bad as it may sound my being pregnant causes writer’s block. Believe me I tried so dang hard to blog but nothing is coming out, anyhow I’m just here for a bit, I am so happy to see that after months of not opening my blog site there’s still some pending comments from anonymous people and the views are awesome–although the highest now is 53 nothing much compare to my 100 plus–I’m happy with the numbers.

Anyhow I am thinking of renovating my blog site, more like changing the theme. Since I am becoming a mom in a few months time, why not talk about everything about being a mom?? Or raising a kid? or the hardship and joy of pregnancy (oh believe me there is)? and give some freebies to moms and mom-to-be…whatcha think? Do you think someone will dig it? Coz frankly I fear that the freebies will be just stuck with me coz no one’s reading or interested enough in my blaahs and yada-yada’s.

If you think that It’s a good Idea (whoever you are) reply to this blog and if I gather enough “yes do it” I will then begin my new quest It’ll be awesome to share some of my experience to my fellow first-timers and it’ll be more awesome if some of the moms out there will be sharing they’re experience too! So I am crossing my fingers for a better result after posting this blog and I’ll see you gorgeous’ in a bit! Ciao Bellas!

So whatever happened to me? Ultimate writers block! *nods head* uh-huh you read right, ultimate writers block plus laziness is equals to a dead wordpress. Putting the past behind here I am trying to squeeze my aching head just to be productive today. Frankly I really don’t know what to tell you guys because it seems that you wouldn’t be interested anyway (negative much?). Oh well I’ve been sidetracked because of my pregnancy too which I will tell you about maybe next time. Today I am feeling a bit under the weather, I’m over my first trimester and half way through my preggo state, so you guess nausea and vomiting’s over right? WRONG!!! 

Some of my friends (whose preggo too and been preggo)  said that sometimes shitty feelings will go away after the 5th month, so yeah good luck to me, I’m just on me 4th. And being preggo makes me realize lots of things, from reading stuff and analyzing them till my IQ drop, playing unblocked me on iphone to constantly chowing down on whatever my baby and I wants. And one of my realization  is that I am not a writer, I am just your amateur blogger.

I don’t follow the rules of writing, I write what my heart desire. My punctuation’s are sometimes wrong, I use slang and wish I can point out to you all of them but clearly I am making a fool out of me self -_-… I have tried working for writing company which ends up into fiasco, I tried to do writing as my career but I was right all along when I said before that I don’t want my writing to be my career, it’ll just be my hobby, part of my life and heart.

Madonna. 

 I don’t know if `yall know that I am not working as of now or if I’ll be working ever, I isolated myself in the four corners of our humble abode. I am slowly and patiently (yes I am patient now, just a bit though) waiting as our baby grows, some of you may think that It is not a best idea not to work especially now that cost of living is very high, but I strongly believe that I am meant to stay at home and take care of my family. No offense but I don’t want to entrust my child to a nanny, not that I am against it or something; it’s just that a mother’s love and care is divine and should be experience by our child and husband.

Plus being a full-time mom and a wife is the hardest and greatest career there is. Only those who died with a complete family and successful children are the ones who perfected the art of being a mother and wife, and I want to be like them. I want my babies (yes plural form coz I plan to have 4 kids) to experience what I did not, I want my babies to feel their mommy can be their best-friend. I want them to know that I will be there whenever they need me. I want my husband to feel and know that me and his kids are always waiting for him after work that this might cause him to go home early, those things that I didn’t have the pleasure to experience and above all I want to die with a complete family.

I love my papa, I love my husband, I love my baby, I love my family,

I love the whole world and all the sights and sounds boom de ya da boom de ya da!

I love to write stuff, I love reading books, I love my comrade and my undying faith

Boom de ya da Boom de ya da!

I love the constellation, I love the panda bears, I love my bumblebee, I love the beaches too

I love the whole world and all its craziness

Boom de ya da Boom de ya da!

I love my in-laws, I love my relatives, I love my wordpess, and then I love myself,

I love the whole world it’s such a brilliant place

Boom de ya da Boom de ya da!

*

*

*

*

After 3 Pregnancy Test, we decided it’s time to make it official.

Gone to the OB yesterday and she said that I’m 5-6 weeks preggo

The check up went well, she performed usually stuff like pop-smear, checked my something something inside, checked my blood pressure–which is by the way awesome 120/80–she also checked my weight which I won’t tell here coz those days at the gym was a total bummer, oh yeah I gained weight . But if having a healthy baby means gaining a bit weight, I’m all for it! And here’s what I got from my Doctor yesterday…

My activity booklet. Doc says I have to bring this every time we’re going to meet. Our next meeting will be on May 11, 2011 a week before our wedding.

And I didn’t know you can get a freebies!! But the sad part is, I tried it out instantly the moment we got home and I ended up going to the bathroom for like 4 times  so I changed to Anmum (another nutritional milk drink for preggos).

So that’s it..FOR NOW. But I can feel it, the next time we meet there’ll be more freebies *insert evil laugh here* Anyhow it’s making me paranoid though, every morning when I wake up I have this feeling like “oh goodness..is my baby still inside me?..” or every time I pee I get the feeling of “is the baby ok coz I pee like every hour..”. Well on the pee part doctor says it’s normal for the first three months and about the other concern, I’m just too protective and paranoid LOL.

Well It’s my–our first baby so I reckon it’s normal in a way to be paranoid. I just have to be extra careful now, no lifting of anything heavy, light house cleaning and eating right. Oh and yeah, I am freakin a darn fruit baby!!! I personally lurrveee ripe mango and then I go dipped it to shrimp paste (bagoong)..crazy? Doctor says it’s called cravings! Well at least I’m not like my cousin who craved when she was pregnant for Pancit Canton with Mayo…yuck! (I love you mars!)

Aside from thinking craps and being scared, I am def excited! I’ve gone to the mall yesterday before going home and window shopped for some feeding bottles and baby strollers, Just imagine me if I already reach my 7th month..I’d be buying lotsa stuff! (oh shoot! my mom is prolly reading this..she’ll nag me for being too costly). Why on the 7th month? coz I was told that you are supposed to buy baby stuff by the 7th month, coz that’s the time you’ll know the gender of yer baby. Well girl or boy it’s all good, as long as the baby is normal and healthy I’m all good with that.

We already have a name though for both girl and boy, that you have to wait until the baby’s here. So that’s it for now, I’ll be updating you with what’s happening to me tummy and baby and hubby and everything else in between! Have a good day `yall! And thank you very very much to the people who commented, liked and posted a message on me FB wall, thank you for being happy for us and for the congratulations as well, we truly appreciate it! I’m outta here peace out!

*

*

*

GUTEN MORGEN!!!!! Oh yeah I can rule the world!!

One cup of me coffee at a time!

Since WordPress is being a total arse again (I cannot post my plurk icons) might as well continue my morning blog. So what’s for breakky? I had my spam and eggs, bread and coffee; now that’s a good way to start my day! Plus we woke up with a different view and sound, normally we woke up with the noise and visuals of Jeepney outside our terrace but today there’s not even one Jeepney outside. And since the video that I made isn’t uploading I regret to tell you that I won’t be able to show you visuals..simply because WordPress is being moody again!

*

*

*

That up there my friend is my suppose to be blog post yesterday but as you read wordpress was being moody so I ended up saving it instead. And now another morning is here and instead of coffee I had milk and what’s for breakky? Hash-browns and eggs dun worry I’ll post the pic of me breakky today and yesterday .

Anyhow today is very different morning, I wish I can tell you now but I have to confirm everything first, so be patient dear. It’s 8:03AM here Saturday, remember this day for today is a glorious day (wow sounds 300-ish LOL) no I mean it, today is a miraculous day. My sched for today will be, going back to sleep in a bit coz I really dun do morning even though I am a coffee addict, I’ll be cooking lunch and after which me and hubby will visit dad. I miss him so much and I wish he’s here to celebrate with us.

Moving forward coz I am getting sleepy again, here’s the picture of me breakky yesterday and today and what I cooked for dinner last night…Buttered Shrimp! yum-o!! Indulge!

Breakky yesterday: A piece of bread, spicy spam and my crazy egg

Dinner last night: Buttered Shrimp (you can reduce the consistency of the sauce but my hubby likes it this way, so be it!)

Breakky now: Eggs and Hash-browns..super yum-o!!!!

There you go! Ze food that my tongue captivated yesterday and this morning LOL. I’ll give you the recipe on me next blog for the Buttered Shrimp, Not now. Why? Coz my eyes are on “auto-shut down” mode again..I’ll blog you later! Happy morning everyone and happy weekend too! Kudos!

ME ISH BACK!!!

*insert evil laugh here*

THE REASON

I know..I know It’s been ages since my last post, and I really don’t know if my “avid” (if there’s such) reader or “peeker” (yenno those people who just visit for the pictures) is wondering why they haven’t heard from me for weeks. Without further ado here’s the reason. I GOT LAZY BLOGGING. I’m sorry  well aside from my laziness, for the first time in my entire 24 years here on earth, it’s my first to felt that even in my writing world.

I am still longing for my father, I am constantly crying to my husband about how I miss him and my regrets. My heart died the moment he left me–us, and I am grateful that my husband is patient enough to revive my dead heart. Fading beat, slowly pumping, black and blue. I always keep myself busy, cleaning the new apartment (oh yeah we FINALLY have a new apartment…A DECENT AND CLEAN ONE) over and over again.

I don’t watch TV sometimes because even the most interesting TV program can make me stop, think of papa and cry. Weird? I reckon. Will you think that I am nuts if I say I’ve asked him to visit me or even touch me while I am alone in the living room just staring at the TV? Well I did, many times. But he wouldn’t, I guess he don’t want to go down here on earth and cause me some trouble.

COMFORT ZONE

We finally moved in to a new place, I am so happy and relieved. I can no longer here the monster’s annoying cursing, shouting and no more bullying. I can finally cook, wash the dishes and breathe with clean air going through my system, just like before. It’s funny that sometimes our house (well it’s not my home) can be the most horrible place on earth caused by the people living in it.

You guys don’t have an idea how disgusted I am to that monster, I even hate his voice. He a pain in the arse of his family. Sorry hubby if you’re reading this, I am brutally frank especially when someone did me wrong you know that. He’s a drunkard, good for nothing, worst father of the human race. I despise him. And It’s good to be far from that demon. No more bullying for me, I can finally breathe.

WHAT’S NEW?

Well aside from having our new love nest, I can’t tell you the other “what’s new” with me. You guys have to wait a couple of weeks what good is there if I told you now right?? patience is a virtue darl..which I dun have but I know you got it though ROFL. Oh well so little for my new entry eh? Well I got to cook dinner my in-laws here oh yeah we’re close..I love the fact that even my hubby’s cousin is close to me we hang out to the mall, joke around it’s just plain awesome! How I wish my siblings could go visit and hang out here too..Well I gotta go for now, I’ll write soon..thanks for peeking in my blog from time to time, I owe you guys biggie! PS: I miss you AJ and Bryan *hugs*

And as the day comes to closer end, CNN reported that It was 8.8 Magnitude and rose up to 8.9. Sad, I know. But the quake was just the beginning, after which a tsunami with the height of 10 meter came along. I read this in response to my friend’s status, it’s horrifying how he response; it goes “There are 10 meter tsunami heading our way, I pray that we’ll be safe when it hits…” I was shocked, and I couldn’t imagine how would one person prepare for this kind of disaster knowing that you’re in the office.

My twitter and FB page was flooded by cautions and updates of what is happening in Japan, of course I was one of them. Constantly updating my friends (I dun care anymore if they’re reading my post or even care blaaahhh) and family of what I knew. I opened lots of tabs and refreshing every 10 mins. I immediately called my mom’s friend attention who’s residing in Japan–but not in Tokyo–just to make sure and thank goodness she and her hubby is safe.

I prayed that Philippines would be safe as well as my siblings, because after a few hours, we were informed that we are in level 1 warning that a tsunami will hit our country. The Eastern part of PI will be hit by the tsunami that destroyed most of Tokyo, I thought of my siblings and worried for them. Although Manila is 100% safe, still I believe in my belief that precaution is better than cure. But thank God the tsunami that hit PI was just a small one, it just looked like a tidal wave..a small tidal wave. We were all safe. And I know my guardian angel and my dad kept us safe (aside from God of course *wink*).

Moving on, here’s the aftermath of the tragedy that shook Japan…

all photos came from New York Times, for more photos please click

http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2011/03/11/world/asia/20110311_japan.html#1

With all these happening in the world today, I can’t help but think of the movie 2012. I know…I know `yall might think I am going cucko but hey can;t help it yenno. Last week or month quake was in NZ then in China then this, the second largest quake in Japan after 100 years. Devastating, no other words can compare to that .

I pray that that freakin movie isn’t real, why? cause first I just started living my life with the man I loved for God knows how long, second I am yet to prove myself to my siblings that I have changed and third I want to start a family. I wish I know how to put an ad in my blog where it says “For every comment or view would you like to donate a cent or dollar to Japan yada yada yada..” but I dunno how, instead I offer them my prayers.

That they’ll recover fast, pull theirselves together and remember that we–the people who are not equip with millions and billions of money–are helping them too with the most powerful equipment that we have, prayers. Heal fast Japan, we are hoping and praying for your fast recovery *hugs*

I HATE MYSELF FOR MANY DIFFERENT REASONS…

FOR BEING FAT

FOR NOT HAVING RADIANT SKIN

FOR NOT BEING SMART

FOR BEING ME

I HATE IT WHEN…

PEOPLE KEEPS ON TEASING ME THAT I AM FAT

OR EVEN JOKING ME ABOUT MY WEIGHT

I KNOW HOW I LOOK

DON’T KEEP ON REMINDING ME.

WHY ARE YOU HURTING ME WHEN I’VE DONE NOTHING WRONG?

BEING NICE IS NOT ENOUGH IN THIS CRUEL WORLD.